Imposter monster

Imposter Syndrome. It gets plenty of air time. People talk about it, write about it, think about it. It's well documented and there is plenty of articles out there.

Oxford Definition:

the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.

Further, a simple web search returns hundreds of results about imposter syndrome and even entire organizations dedicated to the topic. Several psychology sites, professional publications, and business organizations even present different archetypes related to imposter syndrome, all varied from one to the next.

In any case, it's safe to say many of us suffer from imposter syndrome at one time or another. In fact, it is very common for high achievers to be particularly affected by imposter syndrome, and some resources point to imposter syndrome actually being a driver for high achievers (although it is also closely tied to anxiety and depression... so there's that).

It's been a staple of my career and rooted deep in my identity personally and professionally. As I write this, I have no less than 13 blog posts started, incomplete and re-edited without publication several times over. I read and re-read the posts and edit and re-edit thinking they're not good enough, that there's no succinct point to them. They're too long or too short. I haven't researched and tied literature to them that someone else has developed that is more of an expert than me. Reading the meandering thoughts, ideas and questions through each of them thinking that they're not polished enough or not valuable enough. All of this while thinking,

• Who am I to provide this to the world?

• What expertise do I have in this realm?

• What do I know?

You know what I do know? I know what it's like. I know what it's like to question every decision I've made (or haven't made), every conversation I've had (and often at 3 am), every little bit of advice I've ever provided through my life or my career. I know what it's like to doubt my skills and my abilities. I know what it's like to doubt my own personality and place in this world. If you've been there, you know what a kicker that is. I've been there. I still end up there. I'm in it at this moment as I write this article and it is exactly the reason I'm writing it. Because when I got up this morning to continue building my business, finding a new direction and determining what it is I have to offer the world, my very first thought was, "what do I know that I can offer to anyone?"

But rather than walking away from this work, continuing to question my validity and my value and instead of going back to what I know, this time I thought, "fuck it". I know what this is like, and I know that it sucks and I know that others out there are feeling the same way. This post doesn't have any grand advice, no direction for "fixing it", it's a post that sits in the mess and let's you know most of us have been there and some of us are still in it.

Keep going. You are not an imposter. None of us are. We're all learning and adapting and changing directions. We all have experiences, value and something to offer. We're all here for a reason and if this post finds you today, I've fulfilled my purpose just for today and I've kicked my imposter monster in the shins just for today. I know it'll be back and I'll have to kick it again and that's ok. So if you're still reading, go find something that'll kick your imposter monster in the shins and do it today. Right now. Speak up in that meeting, finish that report, present that idea, share your art, call your friend, wear those new shoes you bought when you were feeling brave. It's a daily practice, but we're in it together.

Now go kick your imposter monster.